The point of allowing is letting go of control so that you may set yourself free. Many of us women feel the need to control everything, from how things are done around the house to how things are done at our jobs, and more. Men of course are guilty of controlling as well. Unfortunately though all this controlling brings us down and actually causes more stress. We may think that controlling everything will reduce our stress when in fact it has the opposite effect.
What is really going on here is the need to feel safe. For whatever reason, at some point in our lives as children, something happened that made us feel unsafe, therefore causing us to feel the need to control the outcome of things in order to regain that “safe” feeling. Which never truly ever came back and that is why we continue to control. What if I told you though that letting go and allowing will actually bring you that safe feeling, over all of this controlling?
When we allow life to happen, and allow people to do things in a way that works for them, we not only set them free, we set ourselves free. When we begin to allow we begin to just “be” for once in our lives. Finding that place within where we feel safe enough to just "be" is such a blessing. You then begin to just feel safe no matter what without having to control things. I know that at first it does feel scary, it feels weird and uncertain as well, and it's ok to feel those things, just allow them to come up and slowly wash away as you continue to allow the flow of life.
When we get into the flow of life and start allowing things to happen instead of trying to force things to happen in the case of controlling, life starts to get easier and less stressful. Life becomes joyful and special again. The people around us feel better too and enjoy our company instead of feeling stressed themselves because of your constant controlling. When we allow others to be themselves and show up in ways that are authentic to them, we are honoring them and showing them that they are perfect just as they are. Just as you are.
We are all perfect just as we are. Once we begin to accept ourselves fully and unconditionally, and let go of the need to make ourselves into something we are not, we become free. Letting go of trying to make our spouses or significant others into someone else we become free, letting go of making our children into what we “want” them to be and allow them to just be who they are, we become free. In those things we free them as well and what a blessing that is for you and your family.
What can we do to let go and allow? First be honest with yourself and notice your controlling ways. Notice how you are trying to create a certain outcome, notice when you want others to do things “your way,” and notice how it makes you feel. Awareness is the first key to freedom. Then start allowing yourself to let go of that control. Stop trying to micromanage everything and everyone. Take some time to just sit and “be” alone by yourself in a calming space, whether it's outside in nature or a favorite room in your house where it's quiet. Start a meditation practice. Begin to slow down, allow yourself to take a break from life, even if just for 5-10 minutes. Those moments will add up and you will start to feel better.
Allow your family to do things their way, even if it's not the way you would do it, know that it is ok for them to do things differently, it will still get done. Allow them to load the dishwasher in a way that works for them, even if you don't like it, it really doesn't matter how it's done as long as it gets done right? That should be your mantra. “It doesn't matter how it gets done, as long as it gets done.” Allow your husband or significant other to do things their way. Start allowing those people around you do be themselves and do things in ways that feel good to them and work for them. Know that it's ok if it's different from what you would do. Trust that they are capable and allow them to show you without jumping in and doing it for them or telling them how it should be done. Give them the chance to do it for themselves.
We are all different, we all think a little differently, and we all do things a little differently. That doesn't make anyone more right or wrong than the other, it simply means it is different. Be ok with that truth. Simply let go, allow, just be, and set yourself free. Trust that it's all ok no matter what. Only then will you find true safety and real freedom.
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Blessings beautiful souls.