I have been talking to my co-workers about my book and about what I went through in the beginning of my diagnosis, and one of them said to me "wow, you are so strong, I don't know how you did it, I am not sure how I would have." And it got me thinking, I didn't know how I did it either, at least not at the time, not really until I decided to take a moment to stop and think about it all. Remembering what I felt back then and what it was like made me realize that I really was quite strong to do what I did and have the determination to get through it, but what caused that really?
After some thought and reflection I came to the conclusion that I found out how strong and determined I could be because I was literally fighting for my life.
Determination came forth for me by choosing life, instead of suffering. I chose to do whatever it took to regain my physical strength and my life, instead of allowing the diagnosis or the dis-ease to take over and win. I took the steps necessary no matter how small, in order to get to where I am today.
This kind of goes hand in hand with my last blog post about feeling the fear and doing it anyway, about taking the action steps to get to where you want to be, instead of staying right where you are. Even in this instance it was scary and everything in my life at the time felt so uncertain, but I did what needed to be done. I took action, no matter how small, and slowly over time built my strength, regained my spirit, built a new life for myself, and found healing, happiness, inner peace, and love. All things I didn't know then would ever be possible for me at the time.
That's just it too, I did not have these things in mind as the goal, my only goal was to get better, to get stronger, to feel healthy and function again in some capacity, and gained so much more in return for my hard work and determination.
It's amazing how much determination can come out of the will to live, and fighting for one's life.
I knew I was not ready to die, I was not ready to give up on myself, even if others were, I knew that I was not ready to be done with this life, that there was so much more left for me to do and live a life of passion and purpose. I am now doing that, through my hard work and determination, I made it possible for myself, even at a time when it did not feel possible.
Believe in yourself and you can accomplish anything. I am living proof of that, I believed my body could heal, I believed there was more in life for me, I believed in what I was doing. That unwavering belief in myself, is what built the determination in me to keep going each and every day no matter how bad it felt inside.
So go out and believe in yourself, believe you can do it even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Take the steps and take action, and see where this amazing life will take you. You may find yourself amazed at some point in the process when you realize you made it further than you ever thought possible before, knowing that you aren't done yet, and there is so much more out there for you to do, live, be, and experience.
Go out and live your life to the fullest.
Be your true authentic self, and don't let anyone tell you to be otherwise.
You are beautiful and amazing just as you are.
You have what it takes to get to where you want to be,
Even if it doesn't feel that way at this time, it will come.
Do it anyway.
I love you all and wish you the best in all that you do.
Go out and be amazing you!!!
Blessings beautiful souls.