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Men, Women, and Timeframes

January 22, 2018

 

Men and women have different concepts of getting things done in different time frames, but did you ever try to see it from an open mind as an observer, instead of in the moment when you are feeling infuriated that things aren't getting done in a way you think it should? Have you ever tried to see it in the way of truth?

 

Here is what I mean... men will tell you that they will do something, in doing so they have every intention of doing that something, but their time frame in getting it done is likely not the same time frame you think it should get done in. Lets say you ask your boyfriend or husband to do something for you. He says sure I will do that, and then days go by, perhaps weeks, even a month and still it has not gotten done, how do you feel? As a woman you likely feel as though your needs aren't being met. You feel like you are not a priority in your man's life. You feel like your man doesn't care. You feel frustrated and infuriated because when he said he would do this thing for you, you expected it to be done within a certain time frame and it didn't. It feels terrible doesn't it? But your man has no idea about this, as far as he's concerned he still has every intention of doing that thing, at some point in time, but it's just not on the top of his priority list, and doesn't know that it's a big deal to you that he's put it off as long as he has. He's likely been busy with work, stressed out about something, and dealing with other things he deems more important than that thing. Or he just doesn't know how important it is to you for him to get that thing done. And that is perfectly legit, right? For him to make his own priorities for himself and determine what he feels is most important to deal with in life first. The problem is however that you the woman feel as though this thing is important and should be a priority because it's a priority to you to have it done. But did you specify that when you asked him to do this thing? Did you give him a time frame you would like it to be done in? If not, and likely so, he's not going to know.

 

We women often assume that our man sees our priorities the same way we do as if they were their own, when in fact they are very different. We also often assume that the man knows we want it done right away, and so we get angry or hurt when it doesn't happen in that way. But how could he know that if you didn't tell him? It's a vicious cycle that can be stopped if only proper communication would be applied from here on out. Simple, yet detailed, and to the point. Say “ Could you please do this ____________ (fill in the blank) within this amount of time (specify when you would like it done) it's really important to me that you do this, it would make me feel so appreciated and loved. What do you think?” Then see what he says. Negotiate so he has some say in the time frame, but come to a mutual decision on what the time frame is that works best for both of you. Then you will be less likely to feel as though your man doesn't care because you asked him to do something he said he would do and still hasn't done it. Only if that time frame comes to pass and it still hasn't been done can you bring it up again to find out why he didn't stick with the decision you both made together about when it would be done.

 

We women have to learn to step back and allow our men to do things for themselves. They are perfectly capable as long as we let them have the space and freedom to do it in. It also helps to learn how to communicate with our man in a way where he can hear us and doesn't feel threatened or belittled. We must always approach communication with our partner through love and respect, no matter how we may be feeling at the time. Even if we feel hurt and upset, we can let them know we feel hurt and upset, and ask to finish the conversation after we get the chance to calm down a bit first. Or whatever it is you need to do. The majority of the time when we feel this way about something, like him not doing something within a time frame you expected it done, in which you didn't specify to him, we are getting triggered, feeling fears and insecurities that pop up, and really has nothing to do with him at all, we just think it does because it's something he either did, or didn't do, that is triggering that response in us.

 

 

This can apply to anything, from the simplest task like taking out the trash, to more serious things like when you're relationship will progress to deeper commitment, and so forth. If you think certain things should get done within a certain time frame you need to communicate this in a calm and healthy way, and be open to the fact that his ideas of when these things should get done may not be the same as yours and that is ok. Be ok with it. However, you both need to be willing to discuss it openly in a way that is kind and gentle so that you both are heard, you both begin to understand where the other is coming from and decide on a course of action together. If one of you isn't willing to do that, then unfortunately the relationship likely isn't going to work because someone is always going to feel like their needs aren't being met, and the other person will feel pressured or forced into things. Neither of you should want that for your relationship.

It can also be reversed, in which case the man wants things done sooner than the woman, and the woman takes her time, again communication is needed here regardless of who is taking up what role. That's all this really is, roles we are taking on based on triggers from our childhoods that make us feel certain ways, usually fear and insecurity, that can hinder the relationship if you allow it to.

 

This is something I am still learning and applying to my life, I have gotten much better and am much more aware when I do get triggered, it takes practice and constant inner awareness, but it can be done. All you have to do is start noticing your feelings, why you are feeling that way, and figuring out what the trigger was, then not taking it out on the other person. It's not their fault you were triggered, they have no idea they have triggered you, only you can share that when you gain that awareness for yourself.

 

This is the point of relationships, they trigger us so we can see what needs to be healed within us. They show us our deepest selves, so we can dive deep within and know ourselves better. So we can learn to connect and communicate in loving and kind ways. So we can have better, healthier, and happier relationships along the way. That is what I want for you dear souls, that is what I want for myself, and the whole world some day. Blessings to you all.

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