I wrote a post a couple weeks ago about choosing relationship, but when I got to thinking about it I decided that I also need to write about deal breakers. Because as much as you want to choose relationship if there are deal breakers that exist within the relationship then it wont work in the long run regardless of choosing the relationship and that is because if you ignore your deal breakers you will begin to be resentful and angry over time knowing that there is either something missing, or something there that you don't want.
Let me go more in depth here. If you and your significant other don't want the same things you can't change it, you can't change them, and you shouldn't want to. That is just a deal breaker and you have to honor it, and they have to honor it too even if it's not one of theirs and that can be the hard part sometimes. If one partner has pointed out the deal breakers and that the relationship can't work with them therefore they need to move on, and the other partner refuses to acknowledge that and tries to hold on to the other person and wont let them go that doesn't do any good and just breeds more resentment. This is unhealthy and selfish, but it can happen.
If you want to get married and they don't, that's a deal breaker.
If you want to live in the country and they want to live in the city, that's a deal breaker.
If you want kids, and they don't, or vice versa, that's a deal breaker.
If you don't want to be around someone who smokes, drinks, or does drugs and they do those kinds of things, that's a deal breaker.
If you love animals and want pets and they don't, that's could be a deal breaker.
If you want to live in different states, that's a deal breaker.
If you want to travel and see the world and they would rather stay home and relax on the couch that's a deal breaker.
Unless you are okay with doing all of these things apart, then it's a deal breaker.
Let me tell you that it's really hard to maintain a relationship doing everything separately. It feels like a non-existent relationship, because it basically is. It feels terrible when it's like that, at least for me it does. For some people they may like the time apart and doing things on their own and barely seeing the other person, but for me I need a man in my life who shows up for me, who is present in the relationship, who actively participates in the relationship, who takes me out and wants to get out of the house doing fun things with me, and so forth. Without that it feels terrible.
I also need a man who stays in contact with me regularly and makes me feel connected to him, if we don't talk for days or weeks on end and I need that connection, oh yeah, that's also a deal breaker. At least for me it is.
See the point here is to find out what your deal breakers are and stick to them. Set boundaries around them and make sure no one tries to go around them or break them down. They exist for a reason and you have to hold true to them.
What are your thoughts? What are some of your deal breakers and why?
The why is just as important as the deal breaker itself so be open to figuring out why this is so important to you. Especially when it comes to sharing it with the other person, they will likely want to know why.
Blessings to you all!