Choosing relationship is about making choices about what you say and do in your relationship that honors the relationship and brings forth connection, communion, and love. It's about taking note of what you are doing and saying and asking yourself "does this foster connection, or is it causing divide?" The last thing you want to do in relationship is cause divide, when the whole point of being in relationship is for deep connection and intimacy. The best way to bring that forth into a relationship and keep it strong is by choosing the relationship, and choosing things that honor and bless the relationship, choosing from a place of love, instead of frustration, hurt, or fear.
This is especially true when conflicts arise. Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but how you deal with them will be what determines the health of the relationship. When in conflict ask yourself, what does the relationship need in this situation? Instead of focusing on your needs or your partner's needs, this is about what the relationship as a whole needs. And this is something that is highly beneficial for you to speak to the other person in this relationship about so you both can agree upon what is good and right in that moment for the two of you. Now this doesn't mean that you can't share or express your needs to each other, it just means that when it comes down to it what decision, action, or words would best benefit the relationship once it's all out in the open.
One way to look at it is there is YOU, then there is OTHER, (which is the other person in the relationship) and then there is what exists between you. That will vary depending on the relationship. More often than not with romantically intimate relationships what exists between you both is LOVE. FRIENDSHIP is what exists between two friends, familial connection is with family, and so forth. Therefore this practice can be utilized in any and all relationships, but of course is most often cultivated in romantic and intimate relationships. So YOU and OTHER can come together and decide what honors and brings forth connection to LOVE in those love relationships. Notice what brings forth connection to FRIENDSHIP in those relationships, and so on. It's about focusing more of what you have between the two of you, no matter what relationship you are looking at, and cultivating more of what that is. More love, connection, communion, friendship, closeness, and so much more.
This also only works with a partner who wants that too, who wants the same things you do out of the relationship. There are often those people who only care about their own needs, and are unable to see anything else. When you realize that is the case it's hard to focus on what you have between the two of you because it's off balance. When you start to see that with others, it's is a good time to determine and decide if they are a good person for you to even keep in your life. Whatever you choose is fine, just know and be aware of someone who is unable to show up with you in the connection because of their own STUFF. Just acknowledge and allow them to have their stuff, whatever it may be, and release the idea that it will be anything else with them, until they heal their stuff on their own terms in their own time.
We are all on a different path, and we are all in different places on that path, some are farther ahead than others, and that is okay. The key here is to allow them their own personal journey no matter what it looks like to them, or from the outside point of view, and not trying to force them to change or into healing. That never works. Discernment is crucial here and that takes practice. Be open to the practice and be gentle with yourself as you move forward on your own path, just as you would be gentle towards others on theirs.
Be open to finding like minded people on a similar path, or who have at least have some inner awareness which makes them more able to connect and show up with you in partnership. Keep cultivating your SELF, and your relationships. They are all part of the journey of growth and evolving.