Life With Lyme Disease #7 - Working
So I just recently started a new job and it is kicking my ass. I mean literally. I didn't think that it would effect me so. I honestly thought I was doing very well physically and could handle the job with ease. Boy....was I ever wrong. I have had days since starting this job where I feel like I did when it all first hit me. When I could barely move or hold myself up at the end of the day. It is quite devastating to say the least.
Just when I believed I was getting better, I felt like I had been getting better and better every year, but then I had to find a new job and that all changed. I am working for a much bigger company now than I have with my last two jobs and have found that physically I need to work in a much smaller store like I had been doing and also have it be something a littler more low key and laid back. I went from working at small locally owned stores downtown that were mellow and I could sit down periodically to a large box store that is go, go, go, on my feet on concrete floors and I feel like I'm dying at the end of the day. I have had bad days from time to time with my last jobs sure, especially big freight days, but nothing like this. I honestly thought these kinds of days were behind me. Now I know that isn't the case. I just need to find a smaller place to work again really. I can't do the big store stuff anymore, it just takes too much out of me.
Looking at the list below, I still have major fatigue (especially since working this new job,) joint pain is often one of my worst symptoms, muscle pain (also worse with this job,) I often have a constant low grade fever any time I get my temp. taken, I have started to sweat a lot at night and at work, that's kind of a new thing for me. I used to have insomnia really bad, that has improved in the last few years, except now with this new job I find it harder to sleep. Perhaps because my body is more fatigued and exhausted than it's used to. So many things that had faded or improved over the years are now flared up and in full force again since starting this new job. Which is a sign to me that even though I enjoy the work, it's not good for me and my body and I can't continue on much longer. Therefore I must let it go.
I get off work some days in tears I am in so much pain. I feel like my body is going to shut down on me again and be done for good. I know that I will recover, but some days take much longer than others. If I work multiple days in a row, then it takes me multiple days off in a row just to recover. It is awful. What's the point of working if when you finally get a day off you are in so much pain that you do nothing but rest? I can't even enjoy my days off or go do anything fun because my body hurts so much and is so tired that the only thing I can do is stay in bed. This is not the quality of life I want for myself. It has gotten to the point where I dread going to work, not because I hate the job or dislike who I work with. All that is great. I actually enjoy the job itself, which is another thing that makes it so hard. I actually like what I am doing and enjoy it, but I can't physically do it. I dread the way I am going to feel at the end of the day. I dread not being able to hold myself up, I dread being in so much pain all I want to do is curl up in a ball somewhere and cry. I fear that it's making me worse and that is the opposite of what I want for myself. Luckily though things are going to change. I will be putting in my notice soon and there are going to be some amazing shifts happening in my life that is going to make it for the better.
I am going to be happier, healthier, and feeling stronger and better able. I know this. I am going to be able to focus on my books and my blog and adding more content to the things I share. I am so looking forward to starting my next book now that my cookbook is published. I will be able to be just an author, writer, blogger, and coach. No longer needing to work for the man so to speak. I will be self sufficient on my own in time. That is my goal and that is what I am going to do for myself. That was the whole point of me getting the education I did and starting to write books. So I could go into business for myself and not have to work for someone else anymore. So I could make my own schedule and work around my needs as I have limitations at times. I am now coming to a place where I will soon be able to make that my reality and I am so grateful and thankful for that opportunity and feeling so blessed to be on this journey.
Thanks to all of you who have followed my work, bought my books, and read my blog. I bless you all in pure love and light and feel truly honored to be able to share my knowledge and expertise with the world. Peace to you all and may you be successful in your own healing journey or on whatever path you are on.